“We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” – Step 3 of the 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous
For the longest while, I’ve struggled to connect with God [as I understand him]…
Caught up in my mind and my life and having it all about me, is what was going on. When that’s happening, there’s no way I can relate or connect, let alone do what the above step suggests. Often, it seemed easier to just run on my will-power…after all, this is what I know best right? It’s helluva difficult to ‘surrender’ to a ‘God’ [idea] that I’ve never seen [physically]…more so, when I really don’t want to believe he exists or even give that idea a chance.
Coupled with this, there’s the annoying part where others try to ‘enforce’ their understanding of God onto me, which just complicates the exercise even more.
Right now, I’m still not close to total surrender. It’s a daily struggle!
What I do find though, is once I’ve surrendered [even for a while], there’s evidence…positive evidence!
My struggle is different to yours and yours and yours…I don’t discount that for a moment. What I face may be minute in comparison to your turmoil. That being said, I have no doubt, the ability to call on a Higher Power can be nothing but liberating and quite frankly, helpful.
The mind is ridiculous though…at least, mine is. I’ll concoct a number of reasons as to why this is not a good idea…which has it’s fair share of repercussions.
Modern thinking would more often refute the idea of a God rather than accept it and enjoy the benefits.
I find the ‘as we understood him’ part quite humorous…cos, honestly, I at the best of times don’t understand God, which takes me to the realisation and comfort that I don’t actually need to ‘understand’ him, I really only need to trust him.
The sweet part about the ‘as we understood him’ is that nobody can really brainwash me into their understanding of God. Yes, they can share their thoughts and discoveries, but the onus is on me to discover God [as we understand him]
Today, I’ve decided to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand him…
Just for Today!