I get deep…I get deep

My name is Bradley. I am not a bad person. I have an illness. I am an addict….and today I’m feeling ____________

This little bit of wording became quite repetitive during my time in treatment. The last bit is quite important to me. Wait, actually the entire utterance is of utmost importance.

There’s a whole lot of recognition and reality in it. The three little sentences after my name underlines what I’m dealing with, then goes on to remind me that this is not a moral issue. For the longest while, and still today, society would so easily group those of us stricken with this condition/disease and thereafter possibly shun us forever.

I won’t lie, before I became aware that I fall smack-bang into the addict group, I’d easily have agreed to the treatment method above. This is how warped my brain is…and also how quickly it is for me to judge people. Put me in that situation and it’s so much ‘easier’ to plead my innocence. It’s not so easy when the glove is on the other hand, right?

The part I’d most like to look at is the very last bit…a recognition of a certain emotion/feeling I have. You know, for me, the easiest cop-out is to ignore feelings. Not recognise feelings. Block out feelings. By doing this I momentarily continue with life as if there’s nothing wrong [or right], but in doing so I build up resentments and loads of other negative emotions.

By admitting to a certain state of mind, i consciously realise that something has happened which has caused me to feel a certain way…i can then choose to trace back what had transpired to cause this and then address the issue at hand. This isn’t only when I have a negative state of mind though. Positive emotions have reason behind them too, so unpacking these are just as rewarding.

Taking stock isn’t always fun…it is always necessary though.

Today I’m feeling!

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