Forget what you know

Anonymity. The right to remain anonymous. Remaining unknown.

How easy is it for me to want recognition. Demand it. Especially when I’ve done something, which I think deserves a mention and with that have my ‘name in lights’

So when I see the 12th tradition of NA [note the word ‘see’] I think, it’s obviously because we don’t want others to know who comes to these meetings. Really?! Well the anonymity of other members is of paramount importance, however, it goes about not seeking recognition for the part we play [big or small]. How powerful is that!

Those who drafted the [steps and] traditions surely knew they had me to deal with. Someone who has these self-esteem issues, so when I eventually do something evenly remotely good, surely somebody needs to announce that I’ve been involved, surely! How about we don’t?!

The latter part of the first half of this tradition [ends by] saying “is the Spiritual foundation of all our traditions”…so there’s something ‘Higher Power’ about this, something beyond my human understanding. Something which would dictate that when I do something good without broadcasting it [no not quite the BBM type], it’s quite likely my Higher Power [God] will reward me…or not reward me. ‘Cos you see, just because I’ve done something positive it doesn’t automatically mean I get something.

Of course I could…and that’s just how Grace happens.

 Now for the 2nd part of this tradition.

Principles before Personalities. Ha! Sho, how this was written for me, even more than even the first bit.

My default action is to judge. Judge. Judge. Judge. Based on physical possessions, likes, dislikes, status…STATUS! I also base my re-action towards other humans on my judgement of them. My [false] understanding of who they may or may not be.  It’s a terrible habit. Funny then that this tradition reminds/demands that I forget what I [think I] know about another human-being and look at what principle would suggest/demand.

My understanding here is that I need to look past social-standing, possessions and/or religion. Rather, out of the comfort zone, sorta stuff eh.

What i get here is: forget about me…

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities

 

I get deep…I get deep

My name is Bradley. I am not a bad person. I have an illness. I am an addict….and today I’m feeling ____________

This little bit of wording became quite repetitive during my time in treatment. The last bit is quite important to me. Wait, actually the entire utterance is of utmost importance.

There’s a whole lot of recognition and reality in it. The three little sentences after my name underlines what I’m dealing with, then goes on to remind me that this is not a moral issue. For the longest while, and still today, society would so easily group those of us stricken with this condition/disease and thereafter possibly shun us forever.

I won’t lie, before I became aware that I fall smack-bang into the addict group, I’d easily have agreed to the treatment method above. This is how warped my brain is…and also how quickly it is for me to judge people. Put me in that situation and it’s so much ‘easier’ to plead my innocence. It’s not so easy when the glove is on the other hand, right?

The part I’d most like to look at is the very last bit…a recognition of a certain emotion/feeling I have. You know, for me, the easiest cop-out is to ignore feelings. Not recognise feelings. Block out feelings. By doing this I momentarily continue with life as if there’s nothing wrong [or right], but in doing so I build up resentments and loads of other negative emotions.

By admitting to a certain state of mind, i consciously realise that something has happened which has caused me to feel a certain way…i can then choose to trace back what had transpired to cause this and then address the issue at hand. This isn’t only when I have a negative state of mind though. Positive emotions have reason behind them too, so unpacking these are just as rewarding.

Taking stock isn’t always fun…it is always necessary though.

Today I’m feeling!